This is a collection of quotes taken from my high school classes. Not an original idea, I saw it on someone else's website and copied it (if I ever track it down again I'll link them!) and decided that since my teachers said funny things I'd write them down too. This did lead to a problem when near the end of year ten all of my teachers knew about the book and after they'd said something witty they'd start to ask whether I'd written it down...
Context and meaning is hugely important so I've made annotations at the end of some quotes and linked a whole bunch of Wikipedia articles to allow people who weren't present for the quote to make sense of them.

Apologies for the quotes that were only funny in the moment. I was present for all of them and even I don't find some of them funny reading back over them!

A disco for fundraising and to pick-up.

I've been thinking about this for a long time and this example is useful in real life - I'm really sorry about this.

We didn't give you hell, we just thought you were wrong.

I'll take that as a compliment and move on.

You can't see the white ones but there are billions of them.

They probably wear really special gloves or something.

OK, we've got green blood today.

And if they nuke you you're still stuffed.

And like any good crisis it will come back.

I just want to clarify so you don't all think I'm crazy tomorrow.

I heard, I just chose to ignore it.

I don't loose things, they just disappear.

Most of them aren't lethal so just wash it off with water, if you do spill it tell me.

Give me fifteen minutes and I'll come up with a better explanation.

teacher: Why are you late?
student: It doesn't matter, I'm always late, it's an accepted fact. But I could tell you why if you really want.

student: I need help.
teacher: Sorry, I'm not a zoologist.

I still need my orphaned lid.

I've found a formula for the infinite perimeter not I've just got to do it logically.

You can't keep me in Biology all recess, you have to take me outside and walk me.

This actually revolutionised mathematics for reasons that you'll never really find out.

Stop learning and listen in.

And tomorrow we're going to look at snowflakes.

You are an idiot and I say that with great love and respect.

That confirms it, she's making paper ducks without us.

The only human being in it ( 2001: A Space Odyssey) is a computer, the humans aren't human in it.

Even inanimate objects can have a point of view.

Cemetaries are full of indespensible people

When people say you're a one in a million it means that in China there are ten million people just like you.

teacher: Because you pleasantly trust your resources.
student: What if they're wrong?
teacher: Then you're screwed.

That stuff will confuse you even more.

I have to learn it and I hate it, but they had to make it up. (talking about maths)

I'll leave it blurry and you can choose your own path.

Yes as far as we're concerned, I think so, I actually don't know.

That atom exists because it's in my textbook and I trust it.

Their minds are saying I don't want to learn to read, I want to go out there and be Batman.

I made the mistake of saying: it's like a fairy with a hairdryer in there.

Ohh, ahh, we're on to something. Damned if I know what it is.

That's from a movie, I like that.

Some sort of eye twitch, who knows what might happen?

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