This is a collection of quotes taken from my high school classes. Not an original idea, I saw it on someone else's website and copied it (if I ever track it down again I'll link them!) and decided that since my teachers said funny things I'd write them down too. This did lead to a problem when near the end of year ten all of my teachers knew about the book and after they'd said something witty they'd start to ask whether I'd written it down...
Context and meaning is hugely important so I've made annotations at the end of some quotes and linked a whole bunch of Wikipedia articles to allow people who weren't present for the quote to make sense of them.

Apologies for the quotes that were only funny in the moment. I was present for all of them and even I don't find some of them funny reading back over them!

You'll see how quickly things just get strange. (a teacher welcomes a new student to our class)

You know I can say it, and you know I can say it with meaning.

I'm really quite a nice person, not to you though.

Only if you live in the real world and not in Zeno's derranged mind. (I honestly don't remember who Zeno is!)

Yeah, it's a good high quality pile of crap.

He was so phenominally bright that he never moved.

Oh, we're supposed to get it out and actually do something.

You are deeply offensive.

Equals... I can't be bothered to work it out.

There you go, when your (film) career is going bad you can always go to an airline. (speaking about John Travolta)

teacher: Any group want to start us off? No? Well, we can just pick at random.
student: We've got out hand up.
teacher: Oh, sorry.

That's called riding on the coat tails of your sibling. (speaking about Dani Minogue)

Now that we've mixed them together we've got this funny yellow stuff.

We're going to start using some jargon here so that we can be a little more accurate.

Oh, it's stolen; well they are quite valuable on the black market.

That's ok, my job is to confuse people

student: What reasons?
teacher: I have not idea, off the top of my head - it's prettier.

This is what you do, you just make it up until it works.

You're gonna find that if you leave them in your lock someone's going to take something.

Don't be sorry, be quiet.

Anyone else in this class lucky enough to have sat through this test before?

Now that I've confused you, go back to work.

student: What if it becomes obsolete very quickly?
teacher: Then you'll make lots of money telling people that and to buy your new product.

If I keep multiplying by six I'll get a stupid number of possibilities.

The gaggle of idiots at the back of the room, either break it up and listen or they'll have to move.

Four legs on the ground, they never fall over. (talking about chairs)

Are you doing it because it's annoying? If you are, then someone will probably get annoyed. Let's take that one step further, the person who gets annoyed is likely to be me an for you that's bad.

I don't know what you do, that's the mystery, no one knows what you do.

If you want to poke him with a stick do it after school.

Just nod...

Rome's a perfect example of why we need governments.

I almost got killed in Rome once, I was walking to the Vatican - it's was my fault I was walking on the footpath.

FORD: Fix or repair daily
BMW: Bring my wallet
See they're all meaningful acronyms.

I'm glad someone in here has some brains.

You shouldn't hurt them or anything but if worst comes to worst threaten them - I'd like to see what happens.

Coz otherwise the students get confused.

In university you need to be able to laugh in the face of exams: ha ha you don't scare me even if you are going to make up 60-90% of my mark.

If there are any juices left on your desk just grab a paper towl and wipe them up. (this gem is from after our rat dissection prac)

It's a good point but you can't make it without evidence.

Hence the exotic hand movements.

Is there any reason you're showing us the top of your thigh?

...and then it gets really silly... he gets attacked by a fire breathing piano.

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